How to Support Someone Who Experiences BFRBs: A Guide for Family, Friends, and Coworkers
Living with or supporting someone who experiences BFRBs (Body-Focused Repetitive Behaviors) can be a challenge. These behaviors, which include things like skin picking, hair pulling, and nail biting, are often done unconsciously and can be difficult to manage. While it may be hard for those who don't experience them to fully understand, the right support can make a world of difference for someone who is struggling.
Whether it’s a family member, a friend, or a coworker, understanding how to provide support with compassion and kindness is key. In this article, we’ll explore the best ways to support someone with BFRBs, depending on the relationship you share with them.
Supporting a Loved One or Family Member
When someone you love, such as a partner, child, or close family member, experiences BFRBs, it’s natural to want to help. However, it’s important to be mindful of how you approach them in these sensitive moments. Here’s how to offer the most effective support:
1. Be Non-Judgmental
It can be easy to fall into the trap of judging or even trying to control someone’s behavior when we see them struggling. However, it’s important to remember that BFRBs are not a choice, but a compulsive behavior that someone may have a difficult time stopping. Telling them things like, “You can stop if you really try” or “Just stop doing it” might not only feel unhelpful, but it can also make them feel ashamed or misunderstood.
Instead, try to offer support by saying things like, “I’m here for you no matter what” or “I understand this is hard, but I’m here to help you through it.”
2. Show Empathy, Not Sympathy
Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another person. It’s important to distinguish this from sympathy, which can often feel like pity. While you may feel compassion for what your loved one is going through, it’s essential to avoid speaking or acting in a way that makes them feel like a victim or like they need to be "fixed." Instead, listen, ask how they’re feeling, and be supportive without imposing your own discomfort or sadness onto their experience.
Acknowledge their struggle, but don’t make them feel “less than” or that they need to be “rescued.” Empathy helps create a safe space for them to open up without feeling judged.
3. Provide Unconditional Love and Support
The most powerful thing you can offer someone dealing with BFRBs is unconditional love. Remind them that they are not defined by their struggles and that they are worthy of love and acceptance no matter what. Make it clear that their behavior doesn’t make them “gross” or “flawed,” and that you’re there for them no matter what.
Create a supportive environment where they don’t feel the need to hide. Your love, patience, and understanding can go a long way in helping them navigate their challenges.
Supporting a Friend
When someone you care about experiences BFRBs, it’s important to approach the situation with care and sensitivity. You may not fully understand what they’re going through, but your support can make a real difference in their lives.
1. Avoid Judgment, Be Understanding
Just like with family, judgment is the last thing a friend needs. If they confide in you about their struggles with BFRBs, be a listening ear without offering unsolicited advice or judgment. Avoid comments like, “Why don’t you just stop?” or “You shouldn’t be doing that.” These comments, though well-meaning, can reinforce feelings of shame and inadequacy.
Instead, let your friend know you’re there for them. Simple phrases like, “I’m glad you trust me enough to share this” or “You’re not alone in this, I’m here for you” can go a long way in offering comfort.
2. Don’t Make Them Feel Flawed or Disgusting
People with BFRBs often feel a lot of shame about their behavior. If you want to be a good friend, make sure to avoid making your friend feel like they are “gross” or “flawed.” BFRBs are not a reflection of who someone is as a person, and you don’t want to reinforce the idea that they are defined by their behavior.
Focus on their character, not their struggles. Remind them of their strengths and the things you love about them. Help them feel seen for who they truly are — a person deserving of love and respect.
3. Be a Source of Compassion and Support
Just like with a family member, your support can be incredibly healing. Offer encouragement, check in on them, and remind them that they are not alone. When they open up about their BFRBs, listen without judgment and offer your support however they need it — whether it's a simple hug, an encouraging word, or helping them find resources for treatment.
Supporting a Coworker
When it comes to a coworker, especially one you don’t know as well, the key to being supportive is creating an environment of warmth, understanding, and acceptance. You don’t have to fully understand their experience, but you can be a friend and ally in small, meaningful ways.
1. Be Friendly, Warm, and Accepting
If you notice a coworker exhibiting signs of BFRBs, such as picking at their skin or hair, the most important thing is to be kind and accepting. Don’t make comments about their behavior unless they bring it up. Instead, be someone they can count on for support and understanding.
You don’t need to know the specifics of their condition, but creating an atmosphere where they don’t feel isolated or judged is crucial. Greet them warmly, and make sure they feel like a valued part of the team.
2. Keep It Casual, But Offer a Listening Ear if Needed
With coworkers, it's important to respect boundaries. If your coworker does choose to open up, listen actively and empathetically. But avoid making their struggles the center of conversation unless they express the desire to talk about it. It’s important that they feel accepted for who they are, not pitied for their struggles.
Simply acknowledging their presence and treating them with respect can do more for their well-being than you might realize.
3. Be Mindful of Office Comments
If your coworker ever brings up their BFRB struggles or mentions feeling self-conscious, be careful not to make light of their situation or dismiss it. Instead, show empathy by saying something like, "I can’t imagine how hard that must be for you, but I really admire your strength." This reinforces that their challenges are seen, and that they are not alone in facing them.
Conclusion
Whether you’re supporting a loved one, a friend, or a coworker who experiences BFRBs, the most important thing is to approach them with kindness, empathy, and non-judgment. BFRBs are often misunderstood, and those who experience them may feel alone or isolated. By offering unconditional love, compassion, and understanding, you can make a real difference in their healing journey. Remember, being a source of support means showing up with empathy, not pity, and reminding them they are not defined by their struggles.
If you ever feel unsure, ask how you can best support them. Every person’s experience with BFRBs is unique, and the best way to help is to listen and offer what they need most. Together, we can create a more compassionate and supportive world for those facing these challenges.